I write this with a heavy heart as I have recently suffered one.  This topic is so difficult for many but it is something I really believe as women we should talk about.

img_4448Michaela and the first time I saw a baby on an ultrasound.

Before I had Michaela I had a miscarriage.  I wasn’t very far along and at 6 weeks I started spotting and by 8 weeks I was having a miscarriage.  Before even having a baby I really felt as a failure.  I mean, this is the one thing women are suppose to be able to do.

I really believe everything happens for a reason and thankfully I moved on from my loss and we had Michaela.  I know at the time it was preparing us for being parents.  We were so scared at the time and were not ready and it just wasn’t meant to happen.  It really made us think about actually wanting a family and afterwards we were ready.

image1-2Couple of weeks ago I felt a little off and I took a test.

I was so scared again.  I mean, I have a 17 month old and the thought of another little one is a little intimidating.  After the day of thinking of it, I started to get excited about the idea again.  And so I told my husband that evening.  He was so happy and excited about it.

Of course I was also very nervous because of the Zika virus.  This is definitely more of a concern living in the Caribbean.  However, Zika is here to stay and we do want to have our children close in age.  So when we are trying we will just have to be very cautious.

Again, I really believe everything happens for a reason.  It was not meant to be.  I really accept it and now I would say it was sad but now I am over it already.  And if I had not taken a test I probably wouldn’t have known I was pregnant at all.  I was only 5 weeks.

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I am thankful that I am able to get pregnant.  I know so many women struggle with fertility and we don’t talk about it.  I really wish that we did more often.  I don’t think people realize that it is so common.  Miscarriages are especially common.  And women are high risk when they turn 35.  Now, no one told me that in Sex Ed!

All we can do is accept it and move on and hopefully you will get your rainbow baby.

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